So...about that...

I'm really excited. I just figured out that my webcam ROXXORZ! <3
I can make Vlogs with it <3 YAY!

ok, so, im done now :)

To My Daddy-I wish he could read it.

I didn't know you very well, but the anniversary of your death is approaching and I honestly miss you. I loved you so much. As much as I was capable of. I will love you till the day I die. I wish you could see me now. See what I'm like, who I am. In my best case scenario, you'd be so proud of me. You'd love what I've accomplished and you'd beam at mention of me. Being around your siblings and parents is really hard for me. I'm sure its hard for them to see so much of you in me, but they got to know you. They can remember who you were. Gram and Pop want to spread your ashes. They've finally made their peace. It's been nearly twenty years, 19, in fact. I look at Uncle Joe and see you, actually envision your face. I hear Uncle Terry talk about how much he loved you and I know you were a passionate person. I hug Uncle Roger and know I'm hugging someone that loves me nearly as much as you did. I spent some time with Aunt Billie Joe recently. We talked about how it was when I was little and I can see her missing you, too. They all do. Aunt Penny is still super involved and administrating. As I grow older, and becoming an adult, I'm the age you were when you died. I cannot imagine having a spouse and two small children. Let alone being where mom was and having to raise them, after losing her spouse. I miss you, Daddy. I love you.

First -real- post of the year.

Today was my best friend's birthday. It was also Sunday, an extremely busy day for me. Last night I had a bad night and overlooked the fact that it was, in fact, at midnight, my best friend's birthday. I feel like a heel, honestly, which is not fun, I assure you. This year is already off to a bad start. :( Sick on the first, accused of horrible things on the second, forgetting my best friend's birthday on the third. I'm a horrible person, apparently.

That all being said, pity party being over, I DID actually call Sam and wish her a happy birthday and sent her a text last night. I did not actually FORGET it was her birthday, and I thought of her all day, but I did not tell her till this evening. :(

I have a box. Inside of it are several items that are, well, things that make up little parts of me. I have a Whataburger place holder that (admittedly, not a good thing) I stole on a date last year. I have a bracelet and a hackey sack from a date with the same guy in there, as well, but not from the same date. We're not dating anymore. I have movie tickets for Last House on the Left, Twilight, New Moon, and He's Just Not That Into You. I have pictures of people, ticket stubs of places I've gone, shells from a friend, a leather box to hold the shells. Show tickets to shows I saw and ones I never made it to. I have venue bracelets from being over 21 that I got at the shows I went to. I have a Friday's Napkin holder band to remind me of one AMAZING day in Deep Ellum, Dallas, Texas. I have a letter, and a note. The note is from one of the most amazing people I've ever known. And one of the most obnoxious. But I love her. I have room left over, too, in my box. I want to put so much more of myself into it. I want to be able to open several up one day and show my daughter (providing I have one) all the things that made me, well, me.

I've learned a few things this year, and the number one thing I've learned-- God will bless obedience. I'm not perfect (obviously), but I do need to strive for it. If I give up and do nothing I will not reap the benefits of biblical living.
He's done so much for me this year, the least I can do is honor Him, or try to, at least.

There are hundreds of people that make me who I am. That sounds very....wrong, like its a bad thing, or something I shouldn't be proud of, "You should be you no matter what!" But it's true, and I don't think it's bad. 2006 I met a group of people that forever changed my life and how I think about myself and those around me. I'm not going to name everyone, as it would take hours not to leave someone out; I'm just going to highlight those that had the most frequent, or intense effect. If you're not in here, sorry, you'll have to get over it. It doesn't mean I dont love you.

Jes, Jackie...you guys taught me how to say "No." You will never truly know how much of an impact that had on my life. You also taught me how to say "yes," and that has had a greater impact.
Sam (not D, J...) you kept me alive. You fed me, loved on me...whatever you needed to do or say to keep me as safe as possible. I truly see you as a sister to me. You won't know fully how much you mean to me until you get to heaven.
Angela, no matter how it ended, or how it is now, you were my first roommate. College doesn't count. It's a different kind of bond. I pray you're safe every time I think about you.
For now, that's who I want to talk about.
Well, that's a lie. I want to talk about others, indirectly. Here's a list of "secrets". I'm not affixing a name to any of the people in this post, but I'm sure you will be able (maybe) to pinpoint yourself, if you choose.

1) I love you. So much. I miss you so much it hurts, sometimes. You're one of my first best friends and I miss what we had back when. Things will never be the same between us. I'm going a different way than you are now, but I still think fondly of you.

2) I smile when I hear your name. Every time we talk it's truly delighting to me. It breaks my heart to think of what you've gone through, especially/even because it was partially your own fault. However, I believe you've gotten a better attitude coming out of it, and a right heart and mind.

3) I miss you.

I cannot write anymore. The last one was super long, and turned into something much more private and specific than I wanted. I'll add more another time.

Susen

New Years Day

With this post I commence the new year, a new blog and new ideas in practice in my life.

More to come, less boring, I assure you.

Susen